The Grief in Acknowledging Your Parents Didn’t Give You What You Needed

It’s painful to recognize, but there does exist a grief in acknowledging that your parents didn’t meet your needs. This includes the grief for you not getting your needs met, as well as the grief of letting go of the idea that you will ever get the parents you wished for.

Part of the work of healing from growing up with emotionally immature parents is letting yourself feel the grief that your parents weren't what you needed them to be. This may also be the time you start letting yourself feel the grief that they may never be the parents that you wanted.⠀⠀

Some people feel that their parents were not trying hard enough, while others feel that their parents were trying, but still weren’t able to fill emotional needs. Both of these experiences are valid, and deserve care and compassion. It’s possible to hold multiple truths, including: my parents did the best that they could, and they still didn’t meet my needs; my parents hurt me and I love them; I feel like I did something wrong and I know it wasn’t my fault.
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This can feel painful, sad, unfair, angering. And you have a right to feel all of these emotions. Giving yourself the space and compassion to feel those feelings is helpful in moving through those feelings. A part of me wishes that we could bypass or skip over the challenging emotions, but both my personal and professional experience has taught me again and again that if we try to bypass those feelings, they always find a way to show up. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate these feelings. You deserve care and kindness for all that you’ve been through.⠀
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If this resonates with you, I want to offer you compassion as you navigate this journey.⠀⠀⠀